Is this yours?
Thank you.
I'm looking for Rupert Burns.
You've come to the right place. Come in.
Certainly have.
-Do you have a name? -Of course I do.
Galatea.
You have an amazing agility.
You were dancing in the market.
-Did you like that? -Very much.
Dancing is the sportiest sport.
And we're so much better at it than humans.
I can't believe I finally found you.
When did you know?
Know what?
That you were unique?
I knew that right away.
Me, too.
You and l, we're the same.
We have personality.
Is your personality chip turned on?
Isn't yours?
No.
Sucks to be you!
I think personality is much more fun than intelligence. Don't you?
I think so.
Can I help you?
Your robot is just a standard NDR, isn't she?
Yeah, I'm afraid so.
Why does she have the ability to dance?
Because I put a modified skeletal chip into her during her rebuild.
-How did you do the modification? -My father taught me.
He created the android unit at North Am Robotics.
He created the technology that allows you to mimic human expression.
What happened to him?
North Am laid him off, so we started this place. I took over when he died.
I'm sorry to hear that.
He would've been absolutely thrilled to meet you.
I'm Rupert Burns.
-It's a real honour. -The honour is mine.
You and l, we're the same!
Let's get loco, robo!
Shut her off, or I will!
Thank you.
Is this your father's work?
Yeah. It's our work, you could say.
I haven't been able to restrain myself from continuing to tinker with...
...the relentlessly unfashionable android technology.
As a matter of fact, I've actually gotten to a point...
...where I can pretty much exactly replicate the external physical appearance...
...of a human being.
Remarkable.
Thank you.
Amazing!
Unfortunately, nobody seems terribly interested in funding my research, but--
I am.
I will fund your research.
Yeah?
That'd be cool.
Thank you, darling.
I want to make it very clear this is an external physical upgrade only.
Strictly speaking, you'll feel nothing.
None of your internal mechanisms will be changed.
You'll be subject to your positronic brain.
-Is that clear? -Understood.
Now, have you given any thought whatsoever...
...as to what age you'd like to be?
Officially, I am 62 years old.
-Let's take off 25 years. -15.
-20. -Perfect.
Believe it or not, the secret to all this is actually imperfection.
Imperfection?
Things like wrinkles, less-than-perfect teeth.
Details like fading scars, little pockmarks. Look at my nose.
See my nose? It's bulbous and slightly irregular.
It is.
I'm the only one who has my nose. That's what makes me me.
We must incorporate these features into your design so that you can be...
...the only one of you.
That's what makes us unique is those imperfections.
I see. Like the shape of your head.
What about the shape of my head?
It's huge.
But lovely.
Thank you.
What happened? What's going on?
What happened?
I saw the inner me.
Is it ready?
-Please be careful. Don't drop me. -I'm being careful.
Oh, my God! Just relax. Relax.
Why did you do that? That wasn't very funny.
Just keeping you on your toes.
-I don't have any toes. -You do now.
I do.
And hands.
And fingers!
-How do I look? -See for yourself.
Thank you.
Beautiful.
Sorry.
Who are you?
Andrew.
Andrew?
You look wonderful. Even younger.
How do you do that?
Do I know you?
I know I look different, too. I've had an upgrade. Touch it.
Sorry. The face.
What's going on?
You leave her alone!
-Who are you? -Andrew.
No. Andrew?
-But Andrew's a robot. -Yes, I am.
Well, now an android.
He's had an upgrade.
I know that.
Hello.
Hello. It is you!
-You know him? -Yes.
-You know me? Who're you? -I'm Little Miss.
-That's Little Miss. -No.
-No. That's Portia. -Portia?
-Who's Portia? -My granddaughter.
Your granddaughter? Is this some kind of trick?
You're Little Miss?
Then what right do you have to look like her?
There is and can be only one Little Miss.
Really?
It's a genetic resemblance. Sometimes it skips a generation.
-I don't care. I don't like it. -I can see that.
If you took a moment, which I see you're not inclined to do...
...you'd realise Portia and I are very different people.
Why is she imitating you?
-What's so funny? -You are.
I'm not trying to be funny.
Things have certainly changed around here.
That happens after 20 years.
I have so much to tell you. Come with me.
It is you.
Yes.
-Hello, my friend. -Hello, Little Miss.
-Whose daughter is she? -Lloyd's.
Now the rudeness makes sense.
Go home to your master.
You don't have a home, do you?
I don't have food. I don't eat.
Come in. We'll keep each other company.
I know you don't like me.
I don't like you either. I just want to make that clear.
Couldn't be more clear if you spat in my face.
I can't. I don't have a mucous gland.
Would it be possible to have a slightly longer conversation?
May my canine companion enter also?
Thank you.
Is this your sculpture?
No, I'm restoring it. I'm a preservation architect.
It's quite horrendous.
How ugly was it before you restored it?
First you get mad at me because of how I look.
Now you show up at my door, announce that you don't like me...
...and then you criticise my work.
Once again, I apologise for telling the truth but it can't be helped.
It's my programming.
What is it exactly that you want?
Family.
My last name is Martin.
I'm so named because your great-grandfather and grandmother...
...considered me to be a member of your family.
Now Sir is dead.
Little Miss is getting older.
You don't like me, but you'll talk to me if I knock on your door long enough.
-Is that a joke? -No.
Would you like to hear a joke?
This Buddhist says to a hot dog vendor, "Make me one with everything."
-Andrew, do you have any friends at all? -No.
Only Woofy, who's very sweet, but not challenging on a conversational level.
That is the extent of his skills.
-So you want someone to talk to? -With.
-Even if that person doesn't like you? -You can't have everything.
Is that right? Is it, "You can have everything"?
Some people do, so I'm somewhat confused on that level.
Sit down.
-Let's talk. -Thank you.
Hey there, handsome.
Could I get you anything to drink?
I'm sorry. I have no stomach.
-Could I get something for him? -He has a stomach, yes.
How is she?
She's sleeping.
What happened?
She had a stroke.
There you are.
Little Miss.
She's gone.
It's cruel that you can cry and I cannot.
There is a terrible pain I cannot express.
Will every human being that I care for...
...just leave?
I'm afraid so.
That won't do.
This is remarkably impressive. You did this all by yourself?
Yes. I downloaded every known medical textbook into my memory.
I studied them. That's how I came up with these drawings.
I know they're primitive and not complete. I need you to fill in the mechanical gaps.
This is another upgrade.
It's considerably more than an upgrade.
You're talking about a profound transition...
...from the mechanical to the biological.
I realise that. I believe it is the ideal marriage of both fields.
Not only that, but this stuff could cut both ways.
I don't think that any existing prosthetic devices hold a candle...
...to what you've designed here.
I mean, you could use these in human beings as well.
Exactly.
What a piece of faecal matter.
"Shit."
-Excuse me? -What a piece of shit.
I know that.
When you're frustrated you say, "piece of shit."
Piece of shit.
Yes, but with feeling.
-What a piece of shit. -More.
-What a piece of shit! -Good, very good.
Are you aware that what you've essentially designed here...
...is a human central nervous system?
That was my intention, yes.
Well, you got to realise that a nervous system will radically enhance...
...the way you feel and perceive the world around you.
I'm not just talking about hot and cold and little tiny pinpricks.
Put it this way.
As your experience becomes varied...
...so will the feelings, emotions, sensations stimulated by that experience.
And, while some of these will be very subtle...
...and wonderful, and nuanced, and shaded...
...others will be profoundly intense and difficult to tolerate.
Do you feel like you're ready for that?
Absolutely.
-Lovely. -Thank you.
I was referring to the statue.
I know.
Could you fix this piece of shit?
I don't know. Let me take a look.
Andrew, I'm sure you could restore this yourself.
Yes, I could...
...but you could do it much better.
I'd be happy to fix it for you.
-lf it's not too much effort. -No, not at all.
I've been working all day and I could use some air.
-Do you want to go for a walk? -That would be quite splendid. Yes.
Why are you laughing at me?
You're always so polite and so proper. It's very sweet.
Thank you.
Let's go. Thank you.
"When a man's an empty kettle he should be on his mettle
"And yet I'm torn apart
"It's because I'm presumin' that I could be kinda human
"If I only had a heart
-"Picture me a balcony...." -Do you have an impact drill?
-Over on the rack. -Thank you.
Jesus!
There's a party next week to celebrate the opening of a building that I restored.
All my friends will be there. It would be great if you could come.
I would love to. Thank you.
I think you're letting me win.
Checkmate.
Charles, why don't you go get us a drink?
Thank you.
I never understood the phrase, "Pearls before swans."
-What? -"Swine."
Then the ballet is not "Swine Lake."
Oh, God. Nobody makes me laugh like you.
Laughter is essential for a good friendship.
Yes, it is.
Sometimes I get the feeling that...
...you feel a certain way about us...
...and that you wish your....
What?
I don't know. It's just a little....
Having this conversation with....
-A robot? -Yes.
I mean, a thing is itself, Andrew.
A tree is a tree. Water is water. You are a magnificent machine.
No matter how much you change, that's what you'll always be.
No.
I can't believe that, will not believe that.
I realise I am not entirely human.
That's why people don't always like or understand me.
-I like you. -You do?
I even understand you some of the time.
But I can't invest my emotions in a machine.
It must be a genetic trait.
Things change, Portia.
Things always change.
She laughed at me.
"A thing is itself, Andrew. Water is water."
What about ice? What about steam?
Andy, you got to calm down.
Do you know what it's like to be laughed at?
Humiliating. It's an abomination.
Look at me. Look what I'm doing here.
I'm trying to make something of myself. I'm trying to fulfil my destiny.
Does she notice?
I don't want you to take this personally, but I have to work now. Good night.
Where have you been? I've been trying to call you.
-Poke me in the eye. -What?
-Poke me in the eye! -You're crazy.
Poke me in the eye!
That hurts!
-It works! -What the hell's going on?
It's my neural net! I'm the proud owner of a nervous system.
-You can feel. -Yes, very much!
Do something for me? Perform an experiment for the sake of science.
-All right. -Kiss me.
No, not there.
Here.
Thank you.
-Could you feel it? -It's wonderful.
It's everything they say it is.
And you?
What's wrong?
Charles and I are getting married.
He's a lucky man.
-Congratulations to the both of you. -Goddamn it, Andrew!
If you're going to succeed at this thing you're trying to do...
...you've got to stop being so damn deferential.
-I can't help being deferential. It's built-in. -Then change.
Change? I have changed.
I don't mean on the outside. Change on the inside.
Take chances, make mistakes.
Sometimes it's important not to be perfect. It's important to do the wrong thing!
-Do the wrong thing? -Yes.
Why? I see. To learn from your mistakes.
No. To make them!
To find out what's real and what's not, to find out what you feel.
Human beings are terrible messes.
I'll grant you that.
I see. This is what is known as an irrational conversation, isn't it?
This is a human conversation.
It's not about being rational. It's about following your heart.
-And that's what I should do? -Yes.
And you have a heart, Andrew.
I feel it. I don't even believe it sometimes, but I do feel it.
And in order to follow that heart...
...one must do the wrong thing.
Yes.
Thank you.
Could you be a little more careful? That's very delicate equipment.
Sorry!
What are you doing?
Near as I can tell, your bitch work!
My what?
You heard me, and I'm sick of it!
All day long it's, "Yes, Rupert, sir," "No, Rupert, sir."
"Would you like another beverage, Rupert, sir?" And it chaps my ass!
So here's a helpful hint for you.
Shut up, and let me do my work!
I'm done.
"Chaps my ass"?
-Where's the chip? -I replaced it.
She's uncooperative, abusive, confrontational--
And a lot more interesting.
Arguably, but we're not getting any work done.
Please give me the old personality chip back.
Fine. She can be perky again.
"Perky"? She's just a robot--
I didn't mean it that way.
I really didn't mean that.
What's the matter with you today? Where are you going?
Aunt Jamie, I want you too meet Charles.
-This is my Aunt Jamie. -Nice to meet you.
What's going on?
Portia's parents are giving an engagement party...
...that I wasn't invited to for obvious reasons.
-There he is. -Who?
-The prospective groom. -Where?
Where? The one in the pale blue suit with the big pointy chin!
-He's got a pointy chin? -You can put an eye out with that chin!
That's nothing compared to his teeth. Look at that!
-I'm amazed he's out in daylight. -Yeah, he's got funny teeth.
You need to upgrade your eyes.
That shouldn't stop Portia. She can marry whoever she likes.
One day she'll wake up and realise she's married to a man...
...whose face closely resembles an antique can opener.
The kind that used to go....
The ones that move around, and the can pops off.
You're jealous.
-No, I'm not! -You're jealous!
You are. Otherwise, what're you doing spying on Portia?
My God, I am jealous.
If I'm jealous, that means I'm in love.
If I'm in love, then all hope is gone.
I've lost her.
Would you like a sip of my beer?
It'd be a waste. I could not taste it.
What if you could?
That would be exquisite.
I've come up with a design, or a modification rather...
...that if I'm correct, would enable you to deal with solid foods and liquids.
-And taste? -Taste, too.
And also, if my schematics are correct...
...I think I've come up with a method to make you a complete man.
Complete?
Complete.
Complete?
Not in a reproductive sense, of course, but in terms of approximating...
...the physical sensation, you know, that occurs...
-...friction. -Sexual relations?
I've always been fascinated by that.
I mean, curious.
Because of what they say.
What do they say?
That you can lose yourself.
Everything. All boundaries, all time.
That two bodies can become so mixed-up...
...that you don't know who's who or what's what.
And just when the sweet confusion is so intense you think you'll die...
...you kind of do, leaving you alone in your separate body.
But the one you love is still there.
That's a miracle.
You can go to Heaven and come back alive.
Go back, anytime you want with the one you love.
-And you want to experience that? -Yes, please.
So do I.
Excuse me. I'll be right back.
I didn't expect to see you.
I remember this place very well.
This is where your grandmother was married.
I wanted it ready for my own wedding.
-So you're not married yet? -No, two weeks from Saturday.
I'm not too late.
Are you positive you're doing the right thing?
-Positive. -About getting married?
-I'm never positive about anything. -You could be doing the wrong thing.
-I'm pretty sure I'm doing the right thing. -Great.
Why is that great?
You told me to do the wrong thing.
You aren't doing the wrong thing, you're doing the right thing.
You're not following your own advice, 'cause if you were you wouldn't marry him.
-Because I would be doing the right thing. -Precisely.
In some strange way, you're starting to make sense.
Good.
You know what it's like to be in love with someone who's marrying someone else?
Someone who's magnificent?
Someone who walks into a room and lights it up like the sun?
Someone who you know is lying to herself?
-Lying? -Convincingly. Very much so.
About what?
That you don't love me when I know, at least in some way, you do.
And how do you know that?
I have done everything, inside and out.
-That stuff doesn't matter to me. -Something matters.
If nothing mattered, you'd love me...
...and not some man whose chin could sink the Titanic.
What? See? It's true, isn't it?
Sorry.
Does he light you up like this? Does he make you laugh?
Nobody makes me laugh like this.
Good. Then admit it. Admit that you love me.
Give me one kiss. That's all.
One quick kiss. Just one kiss could not jeopardise a glorious marriage.
It would also explain why your pulse just jumped from 66 to 102 beats per minute.
Your respiration is doubled. You're putting out clouds of pheromones.
-It's not fair to read me like that. -I know. Love isn't fair.
I'm reading your heart. I'm asking you to follow it. Begging you.
Begging is supposed to be humiliating. I don't care.
I love you, Portia.
I loved you the very first moment I saw you.
-I thought you said a quick kiss. -I lied!
How do you feel?
Wonderful.
So do I.
I guess that's the point.
What was that?
It's your stomach growling. You're hungry.
-Was that me? -Yes.
-I thought it was you. -No, it wasn't me.
Really?
Do you do that?
Sometimes, but quieter than that.
I'll have to have Rupert make me a muffler.
It's wonderful.
It's wonderful, the taste and the texture both.
It's marvellous.
I know this will be my fourth helping, but may I please have some more?
Pig. Very smart animal. Obviously not that smart if it ends up as bacon.
I feel like I'm eating my way through the entire food chain.
Thank you.
What?
What's wrong?
If we're together...
...you and me, we'll never be accepted.
Because I'm not human.
That will not do.
-I will have to get started. -Started with what?
The next step.
I love you.
Wish me luck.
Andrew Martin. Step forward, please.
So, Mr. Martin...
...you would like us to pass a bill declaring you a human being.
Yes. Specifically, the ability to marry a fellow human being.
I see.
We have to face the undeniable fact...
...that no matter how much you may be like a human being...
...you are not part of the human gene pool.
You are outside of it entirely. You are something else.
Something artificial.
Sir, what about all the real people wading in the gene pool...
...who are full of prosthetic devices, many of which I have invented?
You yourself, sir, have one of my kidneys, do you not?
Are you not in some way artificial, at least in part?
In part, yes.
Then I'm human, in part.
Which part, Andrew?
This one, sir.
I see.
And here?
It is true, I am still equipped with a positronic brain.
And because of that positronic brain you are, for all accounts, immortal.
Yes, sir.
Andrew, society can tolerate an immortal robot...
...but we will never tolerate an immortal human.
It arouses too much jealousy, too much anger.
I'm sorry, Andrew.
This court cannot and will not validate your humanity.
I hereby bring an end to these proceedings.
It is the decision of this court that Andrew Martin, from this day forward...
...will continue to be declared a robot.
A mechanical machine, nothing more.
One is glad to be of service.
Andrew, I have to tell you...
...l'm beginning to feel not so sure.
About us?
No.
Next week will be my 75th birthday--
I know, and you look 50.
-Thank you. -A spectacular 50.
But I don't feel 50.
Your body does. Last night was amazing. What was that called again?
-Shut up and listen to me! -Sorry.
Don't give me that look, I'm not ordering you around.
-Whatever you say. -Don't be agreeable.
I'm not being agreeable. I can be if you want me to.
Goddamn it! I'm trying to tell you something important here.
I'm not going to live forever.
Yes, you will.
-That's why I invented all-- -No, no.
I won't always take your DNA elixirs.
I won't have all my organs replaced.
Eventually, I'm going to wear out.
And I want to.
Why would you want to leave?
There's an order to things.
Human beings are meant to be here for a certain time and then pass on.
That's what's right.
I see.
There's just one problem, Portia.
I couldn't stand to live without you.
Andrew, people grow through time.
But then, for you, time is a completely different proposition.
For you, time is endless.
There is only one thing to do.
Galatea, my dear, where are we?
The transfusion is almost complete.
Is that so?
Just goes to show you, Andrew.
Somebody becomes a human being...
...sooner or later, they do something monumentally stupid.
You've been a great example, Rupert.
How quickly will the blood degrade my system?
I don't know.
You exercise, eat right, say, 30, 40 years.
That's a little vague, chief. You don't know exactly how long I'll last?
Sorry.
Welcome to the human condition.
Andrew Martin?
I've always tried to make sense of things.
There must be some reason I am as I am.
As you can see, Madam Chairman, I am no longer immortal.
You have arranged to die?
In a sense, I have.
I am growing old and my body is deteriorating.
And, like all of you, it'll eventually cease to function.
As a robot I could have lived forever.
But I tell you all today I would rather die a man...
...than live for all eternity as a machine.
Why do you want this?
To be acknowledged for who and what I am...
...no more, no less...
...not for acclaim, not for approval...
...but the simple truth of that recognition.
This has been the elemental drive of my existence.
And it must be achieved...
...if I am to live or die with dignity.
What you're asking for is...
...extremely complex and controversial.
It will not be an easy decision.
I must ask for your patience...
...while I take the necessary time to make a determination...
...of this extremely delicate matter.
Then I await your decision, Madame Chairman.
Thank you for your patience.
We tried.
Is it almost time?
In a few minutes.
It doesn't matter what the World Congress says.
Why do you need their approval?
Old habit.
I started my existence as a robot. I still like to be told certain things.
It's time.
Ladies and gentlemen...
...Miss Marjorie Botha, President of the World Congress.
According to records of the North Am Robotics company...
...the robot, also known as Andrew Martin...
...was powered up at 5:15 p.m. on April 3, 2005.
In a few hours, he will be 200 years old...
...which means with the exception of Methuselah and other biblical figures...
...Andrew is the oldest living human being in recorded history.
By this proclamation, I validate his marriage to Portia Charney...
...and acknowledge his humanity.
I'm sorry he didn't see it.
Maybe he didn't need to.
Could you do me a favour?
Would you mind unplugging me?
That's an order.
Thank you, Galatea.
As the great Andrew Martin used to say:
"One is glad to be of service."
See you soon.